There is a possibility my numbers might be slightly off as I tried my best to maintain a sense of dignity while starring at countless dicks in public. Also, it’s worth noting that I rewatched the first four episodes on a rickety charter bus and at a Washington, D.C., coffee shop. That’s it.ĭisclaimers: Spoilers are abundant in my dick data analysis. Characters walking around naked or having sex with shadows conveniently hiding their appendages does not count. My dick criteria are simple: The penis must be shown onscreen. If the Hollywood Reporter won’t do it, I’ll do the Lord’s work and count all the penises in Euphoria, episode by episode. Ya know, when y’all told me to watch Euphoria you coulda warned me about all the dicks 😭😭😭įor this hot young gay writer, though, “close to 30” is hardly specific enough - I need hard data. We been staring at boobs and vaginas on television for NO reason for decades. I, for one, can’t wait to see 30 dicks on #Euphoria 😌 I will stand up in my living room and applaud.